I’m in such a horrible situation. I don’t like my boyfriend in a romantic way, only as a friend. I gave it a try since he’s a nice guy and I thought that maybe he’d just grow on me..
but of course with my luck that didn’t happen. now it’s been almost 2 months I have to break up with him. he likes me soo much so I’ve tried to make it work but you can’t force yourself to like someone… I can’t just string him along and waste both our time. I just don’t know how to do this because he’s going to think I’m a bitch. he’s going to think this is out of the blue. he’s going to think I’m a horrible person. he’s going to try to guilt me into staying with him, like he always does.
….but here’s the catch. for the past year, I’ve liked my ex. we were hooking up every once in a while for months. we dated 2 years ago but it only lasted about 3 weeks because at the time we were better off as just being friends. we stayed really close friends even after we broke up. it was fun, easy, and natural to be with him- even in a physical way. but then, my boyfriend and I met at a party. long story short he followed me around that night, got my number from fb, and we started texting.
by this point I still liked my ex, but I didn’t know if he liked me. I didn’t think he could like me. so, naturally, I defended myself by pushing him towards another girl and gave my boyfriend a try. my ex and this girl have been hooking up like me and him used to. IT’S TERRIBLE. especially because I’m so much better for him. me and him get along perfectly. the only reason we didn’t work the first time was because I got scared and broke up with him. but I’ve grown since then. and I’m who he should be with.
the worst part is that I always do this to myself. I push people away when I think I could get hurt.
that obviously stems from some kind of event in my life that left me unable to allow myself to be vulnerable to someone else but I’d rather not try and analyze all that.. at this point, I’m just screwed.
I know this is a huge vent, I don’t expect anyone to actually read it. I just HAD to get all this out somewhere. I’m most likely going to delete anyways… ohhh well. sucks to suck.
